|Red Sox fans complained about the 2013 season's excessive lens flares|
I am also not really a Star Wars fan.
That being said, I probably know more about Star Trek mythology than most people.
I also know more about about Star Wars mythology than most people (My geek card should be validated by referring to both Star Trek and Star Wars minutae as "mythology").
My Star Wars experiences were awesome at first.
Young Cashew: Laser swords? Telekinetic powers?? FUCKING MUPPETS??? HELL YES!!!!
But like every other hyperbolic-George-Lucas-raping-my-childhood-victim out there, I thought the sequels fell short.
Old Cashew: Wow, this is boring. I really shouldn't have come to this midnight showing of the Phantom Menace whilst drunk. And also whilst on mushrooms.
My Trek experiences also started strong. But instead of exploding, they just kind of petered out.
When I was eight years old I thought Star Trek IV was the best movie ever made.
Eight year old Cashew: Wait... WHALES AND SPACESHIPS???? FUCKING RADICAL!!!!
When I was ten, I thought The Next Generation was the best TV Show ever made.
Ten year old Cashew: Wait... FARPOINT STATION IS ON TOP OF THE ALIEN???? FUCKING RADICAL!!!!
The bad guy in this clip is like Lawrence Gowan
When I was sixteen, I got through about 3 episodes of Deep Space Nine, and realized that Star Trek was mostly boring, and that the Blue Jays were about to win the World Series.
For the second time.
In a row.
Suddenly, fuck Star Trek.
Because my Blue Jays experiences? From day one, those were awesome.
As a kid, growing up in (or about 26.5 kilometres away from downtown) Toronto, I spent my fair share of time watching both the Jays and the Toronto Maple Leafs play.
And while my Leafs experiences have haven't really stuck in my head (all I remember is that the Gardens had really salty popcorn), my Jays experiences have.
From the ice cold benches at Exhibition Stadium, to the piping hot McDonald's Pizza at Skydome.
As a child I loved Dave Stieb because he was a badass.
As a child I loved George Bell because he was one of the best ball players this city has ever seen.
As a child I loved Jesse Barfield because his name contained the word "barf".
So where am I going with this?
Well I woke up Friday to the (omnipresent, but not very important) news that JJ Abrams (who will always be kind of kick-ass for this clip, regardless of how bad LOST got as he moved further away from it) will be directing the new Star Wars movie.
And for years, Star Wars fans and Star Trek fans have HATED each other.
And for (at least the last 4) years, Abrams has been the caretaker of the Star Trek brand.
And for years, Abrams has denied jumping the Star Trek ship to work on Star Wars.
So long story short, Abrams has pulled a John Farrell.
He left a high profile gig, for his "dream job", after denying he would do so.
And now he kinda looks like a douche.
So as a Jays fan curious to know what Sci-fi/Sci-fantasy franchise I should support, my mind has been made up.
J.J. Abrams is the new John Farrell.
Star Wars is the new Boston Red Sox.
Star Trek is the new Blue Jays.
Now let's just hope Trek can pull off a multi-character deal: dumping Wesley Crusher, Neelix and David Marcus; while picking up Boba Fett, the Saarlac, and Greedo.
And then if Trek can get R.A. Dickey on their side, they're gonna be unstoppable.